Today I responded to this blog post with:
It's like you're my sister from another mother. When I read this it's like I could have written it all myself. I'm sure we're different in many ways but wow, this is all so true for me too. I have literally had crying meltdowns at various points in life over the desire to be the best at something. It was basically a big sob-fest sounding something like, "I'm not great at anything! What am I good for? Nothing. I suck..waa waa waaaaa..." But...I have most certainly tried on many hats. And I go through many obsessions. I've tried all types of hand crafts. I've belly-danced, done yoga, practiced at a Buddhist temple and been a burlesque dancer. I've volunteered at a sheep farm, painted paintings, briefly been a vegetarian, thought I'd write the great American novel, had notions of selling produce at a farmer's market.
In other words, I've tried many many things. I've been good at some. Some never materialized...although who's to say they still couldn't?
My mother (who is very much an introvert), once told me she admired me for all this even though she teases me about it. She said that I'm BRAVE for just going out and seeking what interests me or going for what I want (whether I completely follow through or not).
And you are BRAVE too.
I wrote this to the Asst. Director of Squam. Squam (by the Sea) is where I am headed in October. It's an art workshop, the name of a lake, a community of like minded creative seekers. I am headed there all by my lonesome.
It's like I feel this pull to be there. To feel the magic I've heard about. I've already fallen in love with the people I've corresponded with who are responsible for organizing it.
I suppose I imagine it as a creative pilgrimage. An experience. A way of experiencing myself.
Maybe I'm romanticizing. But no matter.
I'm not sure what my whole point was in going on like this. I guess I just want to encourage the few people who might read this to seek out new experiences...even if they find they are scared. I have had nerves and trepidation in every one of the new things I've tried (and to date, there are many). But I made myself anyway and was always glad I gave it a go. I don't want to live with regrets.
And I hope that you don't as well.